<aside>

⚡️ TL;DR

• Everyone is a bit scared to meet new people. You’re not alone.
• Everyone wants easier, more meaningful and more enjoyable connections.
• The 3 biggest things you can do to to make it happen:
  1. Practice being curious (think of the playful curiosity of a child)
  2. Practice listening (try to really understand their perspective)
  3. Practice being less judgy (of others, and yourself)
• Connection isn’t about impressing someone. It’s about inviting them in.
• Take the lead: show vulnerability first → people will appreciate it and follow.
• Ask for a recommendation / advice → people love being asked for advice. </aside>

Meeting new people can feel intimidating — especially if you’re shy, introverted, or simply tired of the same old small-talk routines. “Where are you from?” and “So, what do you do?” rarely spark real connection. They’re predictable, somehow shallow, and often lead conversations to fade before they even begin.

There are a few things you can do to turn things around to craft out of thin air a meaningful, warm exchange quickly — the first one is by asking better questions. Thoughtful questions open doors. They shift the energy from awkward to engaging, from polite to genuine. And most importantly, they allow both people to relax, relate, and actually enjoy the moment.

Most people think connection comes from charisma or having “the right thing to say.” But in reality, the easiest way to feel less shy, reduce the pressure, and bond quickly is simple: ask thoughtful questions and truly listen.

🦸 It’s not (just) about being more confident

You don’t need to be a professional TED talk speaker. You don’t need to have Iron Man’s self-confidence level. Good questions matter more than confidence.

A fun, genuine conversation with a stranger contains:

More of

• Genuine curiosity (be interested, not interesting)
  • That’s actually so interesting — how did you get into this?
• Appreciative inquiry (+ active listening)
  • What was your favourite part of the week?
• Playfulness, spontaneity
  • Shall we go grab a burger now? I know a good place around the corner.
• Shared experience (builds a sense of “we”)
  • Is it just me, or does this place have a really cozy vibe tonight?
• Vulnerability, sincerity (Lead by example. The others will follow. Asking for advice = showing vulnerability)
  • Honestly, meeting new people makes me a bit nervous / I’m new around here, do you know a good cafe to work from?
• Story telling
  • Guess what happened to me this morning?

Less of

• Transactional exchange
  • So… what do you do? Where are you from?
• Sharing data, information
  • How old are you? How long have you lived here?
• Dryness (ex: interrupting)
  • I don’t like this part of town.
• Clichés, generalisations
  • Crazy weather we’re having, right?
• Labelling, putting people in boxes
  • Oh, you’re an engineer — you must be super analytical.
• Jugement, pressure
  • Why aren’t you further along in that by now?
• “Me too”
  • Yeah, the same happened to me last year, blabla..

$$ Curiosity + empathy > confidence $$

🩺 The anatomy of a question

When meeting someone new, I find useful to think of opening questions as broad vs specific and shallow vs deep.

Broad vs. specific

Shallow vs. deep

• Shallow–broad = safe starter
  • “What do you do?”
• Shallow–specific = situational details
  • “How long have you worked there?”